All or Nothing! Say NO!
When I was a young man, I started smoking because it was a cool thing to do, and it made me feel good. Smoking was widely accepted then, and many of my role models including teachers, rock stars and athletes smoked. The Danish royal family smoked and so did my own doctor! The Marlboro Man was really the MAN! Obviously, many of us have since become much more enlightened.
“As an example to others, and not that I care for moderation myself, it has always been my rule never to smoke when asleep, and never to refrain from smoking when awake.” – Mark Twain
Years later when I eventually decided to do something about my smoking, I initially embarked on what I thought to be a fantastic strategy. My goal was to reduce the number of cigarettes per day rather than do a complete stop. I thought moderation would be the solution. The belief was that less cigarettes would do less harm, and a reduction would be a lot easier to manage instead of doing a cold turkey.
This great strategy would reduce the harm of cigarette smoke while allowing me to still enjoy smoking. I would have the best of both worlds. I thought it was an awesome strategy and I decided to cut my consumption in half. Instead of smoking 20 cigarettes a day, I would do 10.
So what happened? The first day was great. I did 10 and I was very proud. The second day, I did 10 again. On day 3, we had a customer dinner, and since it was going to be a late evening, I allowed myself to smoke 15 cigarettes. The idea was that I would compensate by smoking less than 10 the following two days. Did that happen? Of course not and then it all started to slide. Soon I was back doing 20 a day… But why?
“Although our intellect always longs for clarity and certainty, our nature often finds uncertainty fascinating.” – Karl von Clausewitz
When we embark on change and kicking old habits, ambiguity is the enemy! In the last post, I talked about the Jockey and the Horse. The Jockey represents the rational part of the brain (prefrontal cortex) and the Horse is the emotional part (limbic system). The Jockey is our willpower, however, since the Horse is a lot bigger than the Jockey, we only have a limited amount of willpower before we give in to the Horse that wants immediate gratification.
If our goal leaves room for negotiation and flexibility, we will often lose. The Horse is a tremendous negotiator and it can convince the Jockey to do the most illogical things. The Jockey will subsequently rationalize to excuse the breach. So what is the solution?
The solution is a black and white (B&W) goal! A B&W goal is an all or nothing goal. It’s extremely useful in times when you worry about backsliding. There is zero tolerance and no room for negotiation. B&W goals can be painful and really hard but with the decision to go for ‘all or nothing’, the focus and behaviors will be different and the likelihood of success will be much higher.
“The art of leadership is saying no, not saying yes. It is very easy to say yes.” – Tony Blair
Apart from ‘No smoking’ what are other examples of B&W goals? Everything that starts with a ‘No’; No drinking, No gambling, No lying, No junk food, No TV, No emails before 10 AM and so on. Other examples are ‘Gym every day’ or ‘Homework every day’ or ‘Check my weight every morning’.
And yes, I only quit smoking successfully when I eventually decided on a goal of ‘No smoking’ and did a cold turkey.
Really want to kick your bad habit? Help your brain and say NO! Go for a B&W goal!
Beat It!
Coach Bay
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